Missive from parts of Africa

A light hearted and sometimes serious look at moving 6000km into a place in Africa: April 2007. Promoted back to South Africa, the missive will continue to track my foray's into deepest Africa as and when I get there.

Name:
Location: Joburg, Africa, South Africa

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Published again!

Yours truly has once again been published on www.reporter.co.za.

This time including one of the pictures I took of the Eclipse that we had.

Oh the fame!
the fame!

*wicked chuckle*

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Bonnie Tyler: A total eclipse of the (sun)(?)

At precisely 09h07GMT the sun hid behind the moon in Tarkwa. It was the first time I had witnessed a full eclipse of the sun, and the first time in over 40 years that Ghana had been in an eclipse’s path.

It was a stunning thing to be part of and as darkness fell, ohhs and ahhhs were heard from the 117 odd employees who had stopped work to be part of the event. All was quiet for some three minutes before a sliver of light broke out from behind the moon.

As the lights came back on – birds took flight and life slowly started returning to normal.

The sun for those three minutes had the halo of an angel.

I tried to take pictures. I firstly cursed myself to forgetting my tripod in Accra. The tripod was required as a very low shutter speed was required to take the picture behind the dark plastic glasses I had purchased for GHC 30.000. Augustine bought his at the same shop as me for GHC 20.000 and Patricia paid GHC10.000. Now you can see how pricing works in this place.

I had also omitted to charge my batteries. This however was rapidly resolved by nicking Augustine’s. Heheh


Herewith some pics





Warning - Rant ahead

Another day passes and I sit quietly in the office pondering what the fuck I am doing here.

We have started a new site around 36km from the Tarkwa office. Nice big job controlled ex Johannesburg and staffed by loads of expats.

Everyone in business knows communication is the backbone of running any business. More so one in deepest darkest Africa. The site manager requested assistance from SA head office and they offered the same solution we use. Which is farking expensive – some R25,000 per month for a 64kb connection and is available in 1 month or maybe 3 months time. We had contacted a local ISP – Africa on line – who gave us a solution at R36.000 capital cost for the Vsat and R6.000 per month for 128kb. Delivery time – 3 weeks

Our site manager had committed the cardinal sin of advising JHB we have contacted a local ISP and poof – one times phone call asking me to put down what I am doing in an email. One email sent to JHB. One reply saying “The solution will work but is not in compliance with group policy”.

My response: Here is the proposal – do with it what you will.

So site will continue without communications until someone – who does not really give a shit – decides to implement a more expensive solution. I love working for corporates.

That said – I have already implemented the same solution in Accra for $750.00 a month 64/64 and it works like a dream. But – no Cisco Router, No Internet Solutions, No Security consultants and no fat overheads make it contrary to Company Policy.

And of course my sat system is not supported in Ghana. It went down two days ago and if we had not decided to take the system apart and see it was a blown fuse, some poor idiot would have had to get on a plane, drive to Tarkwa and replace said fuse. No wonder the guy was chuffed when we phoned and said we had replaced a fuse and it was working fine.

Rant over!!

The news - and a smile

I can but chuckle reading today’s newspapers.

La Palm is a 5 star hotel in Ghana – nice enough 3 star anywhere else - and owned by SSNIT – A government provident fund. Ghana commercial bank is also government owned.

La Palm owes GCB $21 million. La Palm is in kak and cannot pay. GCB gets a liquidation order in June 2005. GCB finally decides to act on the liquidation order.

Government throws a wobbly and steps in to stop one of three decent hotels from having its doors closed.

An initial loan of GBP 6 million appears to “have found it’s way into the wrong bank account” Financial irregularities? They are been investigated.

On the international page it was noted that the EU has banned 92 airlines from operating in its skies. Most from Africa, but what caught the eye was 7 from Swaziland. Now I spent a bit of time in Swaziland and I did not think 7 planes operated in that country, let alone 7 airline companies.

The American embassy is advertising to fill the post of “CCTV Security Technician” I always thought that they controlled security in their embassy very tightly. One can wonder…..

Tis bank reporting season again.

Now I hate the banks here. They are a rip off and ensure that growth in this country is limited.

ECOBANK:

Net Profit Percentage – on net interest – 75%
Fee income ratio to Operating expenses – 0.76
Loans advanced – GHC 1.156 tr
Average interest rate on above loans – 28%
Dividends as a percentage of turnover – 30%

As the say in the classics – fucj the small guy!!

Non performing debt – 2.25%

UPPER MANYA KRO RURAL BANK:

Net Profit Percentage – on net interest – 35%
Fee income ratio to Operating expenses – 0.22
Loans advanced – GHC 11.163 bi
Average interest rate on above loans – 43%
Dividends as a percentage of turnover – 10%

And the aim of a rural bank is to promote rural development. At an average interest rate of 43% - I think not!

Non performing debt – 2.5%


Ghana water company advertises a mass disconnection exercise for those who have not paid their water bill. I am not sure how the people who have their water disconnected will realize that it is due to non payment of bills. Ghana water’s supply record is worse than most people’s payment record. We spent over GHC 2 million buying water for the houses courtesy of GWC’s supply failures. – oh yes. And paid a water bill which was the same as the month before. The query raised will be answered “in due course”

Taxi driver vanishes – cell phone is phoned and some lad answered the phone, GAVE HIS NAME and mentioned said missing driver has traveled to the upcountry. Police visit man and lo and behold find said cell phone and the taxi driver’s taxi…. Which is for sale.
Now arrested man changes story to state said taxi driver has emigrated.

No rocket science – but no body. Finally a skeleton is found at arrested lads parents’ home.

Result: A picture in the paper of arrested man in cuffs holding the rather badly decomposed taxi drivers head.


On Wednesday 29th portions of Ghana will view a total eclipse. I have already purchased my eclipse glasses – GHC 30.000 and am currently working out how to photograph it. Reporter.co.za watch out – article incoming *g*

The vice chancellor of the University of Ghana has mooted a unique way to increase productivity. Reduce annual leave. Considering Ghanians are poorly paid, regularly work in excess of 280 hours a month, I do think the learned gentleman has got it all wrong. 15 days is not what I would call excessive.

And therein dear reader – was the news as reported by the Daily Graphic and the Chronicle.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Think Tanks are soooooooooo much Fun!!

The weekend is over – and the “conference” was a whole load of fun – and exceeded my expectations in a HUGE way.

If anyone – and I mean anyone – ever needs a motivational speaker, Derek is your man! Contact me for details!

That said the following was the fun parts!

Friday night I got toasted! Not just small small – really toasted. I ended up wandering along the beach at some godforsaken hour looking for the local “coffee” shop. When I had bumped into the person next to me for the third time, we both finally realized we were not “walking proper”. I would have loved to have seen the foot prints in the sand the following day.

We ended up losing Jeri from the coffee shop and wandered around pissed for around an hour until Jeri was found sleeping on two chairs at the Hotel.

Saturday required copious amounts of water to “rehydrate”

We were accosted by the local butterfly – aka hooker – at the hotel. My feeble attempt to set up Derek failed dismally. All it did was make the butterfly want to talk to me. When mentioning that I was Gay and Gerick was my boyfriend, there were two responses.

The first was Gerick’s eyes widening in horror! Gerick is a mans man… and I think inferring he was gay did not compute. The second was the butterfly toddling up to Gerick and asking “So you fuck him in the Anus?” Which in its own way increased the level of shock on Gerick’s face. All was saved by Kerry “The Butterfly Exterminator” who promptly proceeded to say to said butterfly that all the lads there were her’s and she was bought up from South Africa to service them. (I wonder if that is classified as a perk for tax purposes). A quiet comment to security resolved the matter permanently.

Derek used his shock tactics in the morning to get us out of an alcohol induced stupor and the team building day was good. You have to love a guy who uses “fucking your girlfriend” as part of an opening statement.

Saturday night was more of the same – with loads of beer and captains supped. More trips to the coffee shop and discussions on Trance Music – which the Rasta had in his CD collection – Quantum Physics and Viagra made the night fly by. It amazes me that I can actually discuss Quantum Physics when my brain has disconnected from my feet.

We also sang a load of songs on the walk back. Refer previous post about why I should be sent home when I sing.

Once again copious quantities of water was required on the Sunday. Copious!!

We had a fun session whereby the team sits in a circle and everyone has a chance to comment on each other. Open with no fear of recrimination. Yeah Right! *chuckle*

Asamoah waxed lyrical to everyone and even threw in a bit of self praise as he went along for ages and ages. We finally finished at 6:30 pm.

One thing I did realize was that I have made a difference to the team here, and that is most satisfying. Sides – they had to say nice stuff about the boss. – Hehehe

Sunday Night – I drank water…. Only water and was fast asleep at 9:30. Of course I was wide awake at 12:30am which did not help. A walk on the beach and some late night TV assisted in sending me back to the land of Nod at around 3pm. (Oh yes – and some pawn to induce sleep – male way)

We got back to Tarkwa at around 12 to all sorts of issues and the fact that the entire management team was not there on a Monday morning also meant that half the workforce took the day off as well. I was not happy….. not happy at all. Tomorrow could be a fun workforce meeting.

Once a quarter a weekend at the beach means a lot to the lads – and me. We get all our guys together and frank talk goes a long way. Having an outside facilitator made sooo much difference. Money well spent!!

I know I came away all touchy feely good!

On Friday one of our trucks was traveling back to the workshop and a lil school girl walked into the side of it. Result: Driver arrested, truck impounded – until the cops realized the only way they were going to get the lighty to hospital was in the truck as they had no transport – and me cursing and swearing as this will cost us around GHC 10,000,000 (ZAR 7500) in “medical fees”.

Even if the pedestrian is a farking idjit in this country you are at fault. And you pay through your nose. Cost to date is GHC 5.000.000 and she has been transferred to Takoradi Hospital. (In my car of course!). The quacks here cannot even say if the ankle is broken and all I am waiting for, to make me really lose it, will be a letter from the hospital saying she requires a blood transfusion.

I love Africa……


On a brighter note – it is less than three weeks until I wing it home!!! Whoooooo Hooooooo. Get fit Nessers!!!


On a not so bright note – my increase in March turned into a Decrease: Apparently a lot of the increases were farked up. So I take home less money this month and because you work for a large company with a centalised payroll system – all I can do is hope that they correct it next month. Thank fark for overdrafts. Although I wonder if they will refund me the interest I pay due to their fuck up. I wonder if pigs will fly.

Month end week – crunch the numbers – make all ok with the clients and smile.

I must admit – Rum is horrible – I can smell myself today.

Hope you had a stunner of a weekend. Nessers did - Peas did not – TWA did not – Esther has no phone – and Rich had a bad Sunday.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Hummm

When you wake up at 4:27 am you find out that not much happens at the time.

Do you realise Google has a blog search?

Do you realise the only person who mentions Ghana and Nookie in the same blog is me?

Do you realise I am a strange individual..........

Saturday, March 18, 2006

As the week ends!!!!!

The end of another week.

I was on my way to Accra yesterday – via Obuasi – when a rather concerned client at Tarkwa phoned with an issue.

The result? An hour in Obuasi having the planned meeting and then instead of heading South East for Accra, a two hour trip North West back to Tarkwa to hold said clients hand for 15 minutes and assure him that we know what we are doing.

Further result? I am still in Tarkwa and will most probably take the 5 hour trip to Accra tomorrow. (Trip time drops by 1 hour on a Sunday :*grin*)

The house in Tarkwa is full – and getting fuller. The contracts manager for our job at Bogoso has moved in, together with his wife. (Who is the site QA/QC person). Which means we have a woman in the house. You have NO IDEA how this changes ones routine.

The poor lass has to deal with 4 guys and as she puts it “continuous sport” on TV. We have to put up with the smell of perfume, body lotion, having to wear shirts in the house and the knowledge that someone in the house is having regular sex and it ain’t me.

Tonight it gets more interesting – the Site Manager’ girlfriend pitches up. She will be the site engineer – Qualified lass she is: Ergo 2 woman in the house and double the angst.

Our new cooks are really not working out too well. I fired the last one at the beginning of the month when we were not able to recognize or eat the food for three days in a row and the last meal she cooked for us was mixed veggies on toast. For Dinner!!!

The new ones were obviouslyy taught to cook at some strange place. They finally have the taste "right" – and we can recognize 80% of what’s on the plate – but for some reason they feel that we need rice. Lots and lots of rice. She cooked rice, veggies and lamb bone three days ago. The meat was ½ the size of a cigarette packet and the rice filled the entire plate. Carlos and I wandered off to the local spaza shop to see what we could cook and came back with frozen franks and bacon. I cooked a foul dinner of franks, bacon and rice. One plate of the original rice fed all five of us. Now you can see how much bloody rice there was.

A quiet chat in my office the next morning as to “portion sizes” and it improved somewhat. However they still seem to give us loads of starch and tiny pieces of protein. The fish was foul and last nights langoustines were squishy.

Strike 2.

I ordered some T bones from Kumasi and tonight we will have a braai. I have asked for potato salad and cucumber, tomatoes, cheese and Onions for a fresh Salad.

I will attempt to teach them the art of preparing food in advance next week, failing which we will revert to cooking for ourselves. I can happily knock up a reasonable meal in 30 minutes, the problem being that I am not in the mood to cook every night. Those nights we will have to make do with corn flakes. Or Carlos cooking. Or *shock horror* one of the guests.

Next weekend we are having out quarterly think tank at the beach. It is an extra day courtesy of Derek – our resident ponytail – coming up from SA to talk about teamwork, low hanging fruit and other “ponytail” stuff.

My presentation is thus 90 minutes reviewing the last quarter and setting targets for the next quarter.

One hopes the weekend will be booze filled and the odd trip to the Rasta coffee shop will take place.

27 days before home time: Albert left for his R&R on Thursday – which means I am required to do real work for the next three weeks while he is – getting regular sex – and I can then put everything together before I too go South.

The trip will be a long one as I am writing exams in May and all indications point to me been home for Nessers Birthday. OH and I do think I will be home for Esther’s birthday as well. Even tho to me her birthday is always in November *chuckle*

Off to site now fun people….. Congrats to Peas on her “Best New Blog” award. She is worth a read.

Keep on Smiling!!!! T Bone for dinner tonight – I know I am!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The mind boggles!!

Quotes from NEWS24 on the Zuma Rape Trial

"He furthermore knew that the child was HIV positive - at a time I thought I was going to lose my daughter.
According to Zuma, Khwezi had come to his room where they chatted and this later turned into a massage session with baby oil and after they realised that neither of them had a condom, they had sex for about 15 minutes.
Zuma acknowledges that he had asked her whether he may ejaculate inside her, but he did not receive a clear answer from Khwezi.

Proof that good old Jacob IS a few sandwiches short of the picnic (or the cheese analogy used by Peas)

And to think a man with this regard could be president of South Africa……

The mind boggles!!!


What boggles my mind even more is work related:

I have run multi million rand paper mills and been involved in the installation of paper machines, upgrades and the like.

Whenever we did a job, we all used to sit down and work out exactly what the job entailed before we did it. Never did I say “I want a new paper machine installed – go out and install”

One erstwhile client seems to be taking that approach in life. Not much of an issue when you doing small jobs. When it is a tender for “the replacement of steel work” and you try and convince the client for two weeks that their scope in the tender will not get the job done, you know there are problems.

When you decided to do a comprehensive scope yourself and quote, that’s service

When the client sends you a mail detailing a more comprehensive scope (although not everything) AND throws in a few curve balls like ceramic lined pipes and valves, you know you are entitled to bury your head in your hands

When you finished the tender some 20 mins before you received above mail, besides burying your head in your hands, you are entitled to scream as well.

However when they do not consider extending the submission date, u can swear with impunity. God will understand!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Blowpipe and Target - followed by eina



In full "song"


See - Look at that face: Way past normal alcohol limits!!

Rambo Eric

When I start singing - send me home please

I have written about parties at Rudi’s place before. Generally I end up lying on the couch listening to music.

Add a touch of rugby, Rudi’s famous potato bake and SA Lamb roasted on the braai together with the ubiquitous bottle(s) of rum and the party is a hard one.

We watched the bulls win at the rugger, which immediately put us all in a good mood – which generally mean you drink more – and we had access to a Hi-Fi with a karaoke function.

Dangerous combination!!

We drank, sang, ate good food and took turns shooting each other with a blow pipe.

I.e.: we were stupid and had fun.

I count myself fortunate that I did not have to work today. Everyone else at the party did. I spent the day on the couch, drinking bottle after bottle of water and wondering why the hell no-one sent me home when I started singing!

Everyone should know that as soon as I start singing – send me home! When I drink, I get the idea that I can sing. When I am sober, I KNOW I cannot sing. Well apparently I sang for over an hour. The words that usually made up the songs were lost in translation and I had my own words for a few famous songs.

I also launched into my “fat chicks need to be shagged too” joke, which I managed to tell almost in its entirety in Afrikaans. Once again, proof enough that I needed to be sent home.

I have attached a few pics from the evening.

Rudy needs a new fan………..

He also has a video of my “Ghana Idols Audition”

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Medical Schools have strange ideas

When you make a decision to donate your body to medical science, it is really a decision that should be communicated to the family that is left behind.

When you are a medical school and the family of a deceased who disagree with the deceased decision to donate his body want the body back, I would honestly believe you respect the family’s wishes and allow them to bury the body.

What you do not do – in my humble opinion – is take the widow to court demanding that she hand over the body to the medical school.

There is just something wrong about that case.

But: It has happened and made the back page of the Daily Graphic.

Friday, March 10, 2006

And now for the 9 o'clock news

From the press today:

When you have no TV you tend to shag a lot. (when TV is kak you tend to shag a lot). Shagging means eventually babies – generally demmet – work with me on this one.

Nine months after said shagging even, one takes one’s wife/ girlfriend/ significant other to the hospital to have said baby. Said baby is duly popped out, woman has duly screamed “This is all YOUR fault” to the man and happiness reigns.

That is unless you find yourself a bit short of funds and cannot pay the hospital. In Ghana when that occurs, your baby is held as collateral for the amount outstanding.

Now certain things cross my mind:

What happens if you never pay? - does the baby grow up in the hospital a-la Tom Hanks in Terminal? This has the makings of a good movie. Spielburg, I thought of it first!!

Does the hospital charge bed and board for the baby while it is in the hospital or does common law prevail and the attachor then is responsible for the upkeep and storage of the security.

Do you have visiting rights?

This can go on and on. But fortunately the head Honcho of the hospital decided to send all babies home. All 77 of them!! I assume the mums and dads are happy to have their baby at home. I assume….

The good old US of A has blocked a deal for a company controlled by a Dubai Based company to control 6 US ports. The interesting fact is that the ports were already controlled by a foreign based company. In this case a UK based company. The Dubai based company, purchased the UK based company and *boom* all hell broke loose about “security issues”. Rep Lewis – who is a Bush Supporter- was quoted as saying “we want port security in US hands”. He has obviously not been advised that port security has not been in US hands for a while now.

In true political form, He has tagged the refusal onto an Aid bill for Hurricane Relief. Which means if Bush2 veto’s the bill, the hurricane relief goes with it as well. You have gotta love politics!

Newmont – a large mining company – is building a new mine in the Brong Ahafo region of the country. A 1 billion USD investment in total over the next 5 years. Money that Ghana can use and a source of jobs.

Being an American company, they do things somewhat differently from other companies in Africa. One of their new “problems” relates to a calendar promoting all the good community work they have carried out in the region. Unfortunately it appears that a road that was built by the Government in the area appears on the calendar.

Cue major bruha about Newmont “not been truthful, deceiving everyone as to the deeds they have done etc etc”. Newmont reacted by advertising that they will buy back the calendar from anyone in the local populace for some $2.00 a copy.

Another good deed by Newmont creating a recycling market will be advertised next year no doubt.

I also think someone at Newmont is looking for a new job. Ruthless buggers I hear via the grapevine.

The Supreme Court has handed down a decision which has been heralded by the Chronicle as a “landmark case”

The decision? That a university has the right to withhold the issuing of a degree to a student should such student have been found not to have fulfilled all the conditions required to earn such degree.

A landmark case indeed. I am wondering if the student that took the case to court was a law student…..

And that dear reader is what perked me up today

I go work now!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

News and views - Indepenent!

Yesterday – 06 March 2006 – Ghana celebrated its 49th year of independence from the yoke of colonialism. All congratulations are due!

Ghana has had the odd military coup, the odd dictatorship and a new constitution for some 15 years, but still remains a poor developing country that has just managed to have a huge amount of debt written off by the “developed” countries. (aka Taxpayers of those countries)

The “senior citizens” brigade is reported to have blamed the country’s woes on Greed. They listed some interesting facts:

Dr, Kwame Nkrumah was the country’s first president. Aha! So that’s where the name comes from for the big traffic circle in Accra.

Three plans were launched from 1957 – 1964 which were to boost the country’s infrastructure. Needless to say – it was a crash and burn!

The main reason for the crash and burn was Nkrumah’s government been tossed out by a military junta on Feb 24th 1966. They accused the Government of dictatorship and leading the country into economic chaos. They quote promptly became a bunch of dictators and led the country into economic chaos.

Nkrumah quite happily detained his detractors and threatened evictions where people did not agree with him. The military Junta did the same – except the also shot a whole lot of people in the process.

So 49 years on – Ghana – the 3rd largest gold producer and largest cocoa producer in Africa – continues to be plagued by poor infrastructure, high unemployment and low wages/productivity. Education is poorly supported and politicians are wealthy by “right”.

Today’s Graphic – my newspaper of choice – has a wonderful picture of the President lighting the “perpetual” flame. I did a second take as it was not made clear why the perpetual flame needed lighting. Evidently it was not as perpetual as people thought.

Loads of parades etc marked the day – which for us poor souls in the working class was just another working day where the hourly paid lads get paid 3 times their hourly wage to work half as hard.

The newspapers like any good newspaper in Africa contains page after page of “adverts” congratulating the country on their independence. We did not partake in meeting the newspapers annual advertising budget.

An interesting article in the Trade Fair section was headed “Banks complain of Poor Patronage”. The banks were bemoaning the fact that poor patronage of their stand was hampering the full realization of their objectives.

Maybe someone should have told them that people who use their banks do so out of reluctant need. Their piss poor service, charges that border on criminal, profits that are in the region of 35% of turnover, Interest rates for the average soul in excess of 33% - when prime is at 21% - contribute more to people not been interested in the banks then them having 3 people handing out leaflets.

Oh it could also be that banks are lobbying for the introduction of a law which enables them to execute collateral without resorting to the courts first. The lad who is the MD of CAL bank bemoans that the default rate is too high. The 35% net profits do not show this Mr. MD. And in my book – good old fashioned “credit control” is a banking requirement.


More fun news was that the Ghana Journalists Assoc. have – wait for it – established their own restaurant. Hummmmmmm – Do they only serve gin and tonics from 8 am – 4:30 pm?

Oh yes!
As an update to a previous blog re. Ghanaians living overseas been able to vote. The bill was passed unanimously and signed into law the following day. The unanimous vote was assisted by the opposition MP’s continuing to boycott parliament.


More updates on previous blogs.

Remember the MP that got nicked in the USA with a few kg of heroin secreted in some Vases. Well said MP still remains in the USA, eating prison food and making friends with Bubba and his mates.

The big question was what would happen to the MP as obviously he was not going to be able to attend sittings of parliament. The laws of parliament state if you miss 15 days, you are liable to get booted out.

Well it appears that’s not the case. All it takes is a letter to the speaker mentioning you had been “detained” in the USA and will not be able to attend sittings. The speaker can then give you permission to miss more than 15 days. You still remain an MP and still get an MP’s salary deposited into your account every month.

The speaker uses the old statement of “innocent until proven guilty” to support his permission slip to the somewhat detained MP. Now said MP is a member of the ruling party. One assumes the same courtesy will be shown to an opposition MP when such a case arises. (so to speak).

No mention is made of who is doing his job while he is away.


In South Africa the Zuma rape as continues to be news here as well. Pity the poor woman who is now forced to expose her previous sexual activities to all and sundry. Pity the poor woman who is subject to all sorts of abuse from Zuma supporters and mores the pity by exposing her to this “abuse” will mean fewer women will be inclined to confront their rapists in court. We have a funny justice system that will protect the accused more than the accuser.

HOWEVER!

If – and lets be honest, it is a big if – Jacob Zuma actually did rape the woman, the fact that she is an HIV Activist and by her own admission HIV positive, there may be some justice in this case after all. Assuming a condom was not used.

(although lets be honest – you know a woman is HIV positive and you rape her? There are a few sandwiches short in that picnic)

Wise words for future reference:

.1.

When you decide to spit roast a pig on a Sunday and the houseboy places the pig in the freezer, make sure you take said pig out to defrost the night before.

Consequences of not following the above wise words.

The frozen pig does not get cooked in time for lunch. The frozen pig also does not get cooked in time for dinner. The pig when cooked tastes really nice, even though by that stage everyone is too pissed to realize it.

Rescue opportunity when you realize you should have not followed wise words

Cook chicken in the oven so people do not fall over completely


.2.

When you decide to have a pig braai in Tarkwa, make sure you do not have a meeting in Kenyasi the following day which requires you to travel to Obuasi the night before.

Consequences of not following the above wise words.

You get pissed and decide it is never a good idea to drive Ghana roads when in such a state. – although it may make the other drivers seem like they are driving well.

Rescue opportunity when you realize you should have not followed wise words

None really. It then requires that you wake up at 4.30am – and leave home at 5.00 am in order to get to the meeting on time. Unfortunately you only have yourself to blame.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

In flight


I was not in the plane in this pic, but it was a nice pic and puts it into perspective a bit.

All in all a nice experience

one to be repeated !!

The view from 1000 meters



Looks just like a computer game I used to play

The plane


This is the plane that I had the pleasure of flying

Like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland - I am late

With Friday – now Saturday - upon us, it remains for me to think back as to what the hell happened to the last week.

Friday crack of dawn saw a trip to Accra to meet with two potential clients and say thanks but no thanks to another.

Normal Accra traffic saw me 15 minutes late for the first meeting and a rush throughout the remainder of the day. I did finish in time to go food shopping and dinner was a wondrous chicken dish with a very nice salad. Cooked by me and yum yum yum.

Zack was in Accra as well and we ended up at da pub having a few and socializing on the work front. Saturday was once again a shopping day – this time for the new contract that we are starting up.

One thing I did learn is that “proper” office furniture costs the earth plus extras. A standard desk costs GHC 4m which is some ZAR3,000. Chairs are costly and filing cabinets even more so. A phone call to the contract manager advised him that hiring a carpenter and buying the wood would be a cheaper (lots cheaper) option. Quality is an issue, but there is something sad about buying a standard secretary’s chair for over R1500.

I did however buy some nice HP color lasers and a black and white laser. One was for my office so at least we move to be a little more professional in our quotes.

I also took time off to get my tyres balanced and wheels aligned. I get immediately pissed off when as I pull in, I am surrounded by “agents” all telling me I need new tyres and chrome valve stems. I mean fark!! I growled at them and that did not bode well for the remainder of the exercise.

It appears that someone dinged my rim when I was away. I noted I had one new tyre but thought a puncture caused the replacement. Of course when I asked – no one knew what happened. I must reevaluate where my vehicle sits when I am on leave.

That meant the wheel could not be balanced until they “machined” the rim. I decided the spare wheel would have to do as I did not have an hour to hang around in the middle of Accra waiting for some guy to do his thing on a machine that was invented before mag wheels.

The most interesting thing that happened however, was when I drove onto the ramp for the alignment to be done. Almost immediately the lad decided my tracking was out. That decision made in 10 seconds. When I asked him how he knew his response was the classic “it is my job boss”

His job turned out to be “rip the Brunie off GHC 300,000” as he toyed around at the back and that part of the transaction was not supported by a VAT invoice – just a receipt.

The wheel alignment was done the old way – with a graduated stick – as the computer alignment tool was not wekking. The whole reason why I chose the lads was because of the equipment, and it did not bloody work!!

Needless to say my steering wheel vibrates at 120kmph and needless to say again that I only discovered this when I left Accra for Obuasi on Monday. Was I pissed off? Damn Right I was!

Sunday – I went flying ultralights. Photos will be posted.

The wind was howling and it was as hot as hell which made the flight very interesting. A small plane gets bounced around a lot in conditions like that. The pilot showed me the effect a thermal has on the plane – much like a very fast lift that carried you up 100 meters in a few seconds. I had to ask him to go down and fetch my stomach.

The best part? I flew the plane for around 10 mins. I managed to keep the plane between 900m and 1100m and the heading between 240 and 270. I also managed a turn to 340 without losing height and crashing. The pilot was most complimentary – but then again the fact he did not have to rescue us from a spin was most positive.

The worst part? I was concentrating so hard on keeping it all together, I did not have a farking clue where the airfield was. Stopping and asking for directions did not seem like a viable option. (not that I ever do stop and ask for directions of course). Fortunately there was a real pilot in the left seat. *chuckle*

Landing was interesting in a 15 knot cross wind. The pilot (foolishly) offered me the chance to land which was politely declined with a “You must be fucking joking!” I think he was.

All in all an interesting experience which will be repeated.

We then toddled off to a beach house some 30 mins out of Tema where we had a nice braai and I sampled (copious) quantities of bad French wine. I do think that the Frogs export all their kak wine and keep the best for themselves as I have yet to sample a nice drinkable French wine.

(and I managed to finish my HR tut around midnight)

Well that was the weekend.

Given the fact that this update is a week late – you have an idea as to the week I have had. Obuasi Monday – Kenyasi Tuesday – Tarkwa Wednesday and then the realization that I had buggered up my month end schedule courtesy of February having 2 less days then most months.

Email JHB – request them to reopen the books so I can actually process some entries and a mad rush to complete month end.

A positive aspect is we smashed our previous turnover record for the month by 200%. We are all happy!

More soon

(oh yes – and the pics will be posted)